


A Very Scrap Metal Christmas

by mizdiz



Series: Scrap Metal [5]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, F/M, One Shot, Series, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizdiz/pseuds/mizdiz
Summary: just a lil christmas treat. takes place in the lost years between "check engine light" and "gas gauge".
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier
Series: Scrap Metal [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1283012
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	A Very Scrap Metal Christmas

_ December 1st _

(3:02p) -finally ive won the xmas tree debate-

(3:02p) -after all these yrs-

(3:04p) >What are you even talking about?<

(3:04p) ~there was a Christ's trumpet debate?~

(3:05p) -there was not-

(3:06p) >Speaking of things that should have been solved after all these years...<

(3:07p) ~shut the fuck up.~

(3:07p) ~*christmas tree.~

(3:09p) -nyway carol was asking the kids n me whn we wanted 2 go 2 get a xmas tree rite?-

(3:09p) -n my perfect brilliant lil kids man they werent havin it-

(3:09p) -jojo said tht in skool they talked abt how trees help us breathe but ppl keep cutting them down "like in the amazon rainforest" n jj said "rmbr in the lorax book how all the swans n fishes n brown barbaloots had 2 go away bc there was no more trees?"-

(3:10p) -like the kids cite their sources dude theyre on top of their shit-

(3:10p) -n so they both were upset abt the idea of cutting down a tree n didnt wna do it-

(3:10p) -i told u its weird to put trees inside!!!-

(3:11p) -im so glad i knocked carol up so now i have ppl to help me win arguments-

(3:12p) ~that is hilarious.~

(3:12p) >What'd Carol say?<

(3:13p) -she said it was a tradition n jj said "but momma joey says trees make air n we need air 2 b alive so mb we need a new tradition"-

(3:13p) -she cudnt rly argue w/ tht-

(3:14p) ~is she bummed about it?~

(3:15p) -nah i promised her we cud get a fake tree n thn cud do sum other dumb holiday family thing normal ppl do-

(3:15p) -she suggested ice skating n i reminded her tht her coordination is so bad she once broke michonnes ankle-

(3:16p) ~okay, but i would /kill/ to see you ice skate.~

(3:17p) >Imagine him in a cute lil pair of skates.<

(3:18p) -go fuk urselves-

(3:19p) ~we'll go with you guys. your first christmas in atlanta. we'll celebrate!~

(3:20p) >As much as I'd love to watch Daryl try and land a triple axel, I'm not getting anywhere near the ice rink either. You're on your own here, bud.<

(3:21p) ~fine, then maybe me, carol, and the twins will just go ice skating without you losers.~

(3:22p) -k but if any bones get broken ur paying 4 it-

(3:22p) -n i mean tht literally but also i will make u pay 4 them getting hurt-

(3:23p) >Activate Protective Dad Mode.<

(3:24p) ~and protective husband mode.~

(3:24p) ~let us have fun!!! especially since you're such a buzzkill about christmas trees.~

(3:25p) -hey theyre the ones who pointed out tht making thneeds outta truffula trees made the lorax leave his home-

(3:25p) -side note i think we read tht book 2 much im p sure ik it by heart-

(3:26p) ~no matter how much time has passed, watching you try to navigate the holidays never gets less delightful.~

(3:27p) >Don't listen to him, brother. I'm sure y'all will have the best fake tree on the block, and the environment will thank you.<

(3:28p) ~as will the lorax.~

(3:29p) -truffula trees r wut everyone needs-

(3:29p) -(the book is stuck in my head now)-

(3:30p) >We'll get you new Dr. Seuss books for Christmas.<

(3:31p) ~i'm partial to "the sneetches" myself.~

(3:32p) -plz do-

(3:32p) -(i am the lorax i speak 4 the trees…)

(3:33p) >And thus the holiday season begins.<

*

_ December 5th _

(4:19p) ~i'm sorry.~

(4:19p) ~so so so so so so so sorry.~

(4:19p) ~i have literally never been more sorry about anything in my whole entire life.~

(4:20p) ~420 blaze it, i swear to god i'll do anything to make it up to you. literally anything.~

(4:22p) >It wasn't your fault, dude. He'll forgive you. Just let him be in panic mode for a while.<

(4:23p) ~i feel like a garbage heap. i promised no one would get hurt.~

(4:24p) >It's nothing that can't be fixed. Carol's been keeping me updated. He'll be fine.<

(4:26p) ~daryl is gonna firebomb my house.~

(4:29p) >Nah, he'll calm down. Just give him time.<

_ (...) _

(8:42p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(8:42p) -hes alrdy drawn all over it-

(8:45p) >How's he doing?<

(8:46p) -hes fine-

(8:46p) -now tht it dsnt hurt he kinda luvs it lmfao-

(8:46p) -"daddy look i get 2 color my arm"-

(8:47p) >How long does he have to wear the cast?<

(8:48p) -6 weeks it wasnt tht bad of a break-

(8:48p) -n hes left handed so its gud tht it was his rite-

(8:50p) >So everyone is going to live?<

(8:51p) -ya we're all gud-

(8:51p) -glenn u can stop hiding im not mad-

(8:54p) >Come on, man, I know you've probably been glued to your phone all day. No one is firebombing you.<

(8:57p) ~...~

(8:57p) ~hi.~

(8:58p) -hi-

(8:59p) ~i'm sorry.~

(9:00p) -it's not your fault n even if it was itd b just as much carols fault n ik neither of u wud ever put them in danger on purpose-

(9:00p) -it was an accident-

(9:01p) ~he was doing super well, but then took too sharp of a turn and landed right on his arm. he fell like five times before that and was totally chill about it.~

(9:02p) -ik carol told me-

(9:03p) ~i promise to never take him ice skating again.~

(9:04p) -lmfao nah he alrdy asked whn he can go again-

(9:05p) >Rofl seriously?<

(9:06p) -mhm-

(9:06p) -"can u ask uncle glenn tht when my arm is better if he will skate w/ me again?"-

(9:07p) -jojo thinks hes bonkers abt wanting 2 after getting hurt but idk im proud of him 4 not letting it scare him-

(9:08p) >Would Protective Dad Dixon really let him get back on the ice?<

(9:10p) -yeah-

(9:10p) -i'll b terrified every time n he has 2 wear knee n elbow pads or mb full body armor but if hes gna b brave abt it im not gna stop him-

(9:10p) -i promise im not mad glenn-

(9:11p) ~okay. i feel really bad about it, though.~

(9:12p) -dont-

(9:12p) -he luvs it n he luvs u n he had a rly gud time-

(9:12p) -up until he broke his arm i mean lol-

(9:13p) -hes real excited 2 show off his cast @ skool-

(9:14p) >Kids bounce back like rubber. Sounds like he's already over it.<

(9:15p) -ya n id much rather his childhood injuries b from him having 2 much fun then from wut i went thru-

(9:15p) -its all gud-

(9:16p) ~alright. i'm glad. i'm still sorry, but i'm glad it's all okay.~

(9:17p) -4 sure-

(9:17p) -tho jsyk if either of them break any more bones on ur watch i will snap all of urs in half-

(9:18p) ~...~

(9:18p) ~duly noted.~

(9:18p) ~give the kid a hug and kiss from me.~

(9:19p) -will do-

(9:19p) -thnx 4 teaching him new things n having fun w/ him-

(9:19p) -@ the end of the day thts wut matters-

(9:20p) ~anytime, bud.~

(9:20p) ~just with less injuries next time.~

*

_ December 12th _

(10:01p) *Hello, are you awake?*

(10:03p) -mhm just chillin everyone else is aslp-

(10:04p) *How's the visit with Uncle Merle going?*

(10:05p) -gud we made a fire outside n made old skool popcorn n jojo told us abt stars-

(10:05p) -theyre missin their momma tho-

(10:06p) *Liar, ten bucks says that Jesse was too distracted by all the fun stuff you were doing, and if Josie mentioned home at all it was to ask about the dog.*

(10:08p) -i mean-

(10:08p) -she did mention u-

(10:09p) *Uh huh, and what'd she say?*

(10:10p) -"tell momma 2 make sure henry is ok"-

(10:11p) *Told you so.*

(10:12p) -shh they luv u they just havent seen merle in a minute-

(10:12p) -fwiw /im/ missin their momma-

(10:13p) *Lol, I'll be sure to let her know.*

(10:14p) -how was w/e tht thing w/ maggie n michonne u wudnt tell me abt go?-

(10:15p) *It was fun.*

(10:15p) *Wanna know what it was?*

(10:16p) -idk is it weird?-

(10:17p) *Yes or no, it's not a hard question bro.*

(10:18p) -fine yes tell me-

(10:19p) *Maggie decided that for Christmas she wanted to get professional sexy photos done for Glenn.*

(10:20p) -nope nvm dnt wna kno-

(10:21p) *Too late, we're here now.*

(10:21p) *She booked an appointment with a boudoir photographer and Michonne and I went as moral support.*

(10:21p) *Unbeknownst to us, however, she booked two other sessions, as her presents to us.*

(10:22p) -wait u mean u n michonne took sexy pics 2?-

(10:23p) *We did.*

(10:23p) *Not to spoil the surprise, but idk, I would feel weird presenting you with fancy, sexy pictures with no forewarning. I dunno if it's something you'd even be into, but it was a nice gesture on Maggie's part, and it was kinda fun.*

(10:24p) -u took sexy pics 2 give 2 me?-

(10:25p) *Yeah. Maggie even paid for our outfits. The place is connected to a lingerie store.*

(10:26p) -like...sexy pics tht u keep in a book 2 look @ whenever?* 

(10:27p) *Yes. Kind of like tasteful nudes.*

(10:28p) -tht u took 4 me?-

(10:29p) *Lol! Yes, you nerd, the sexy pictures are for you.*

(10:30p) -...-

(10:30p) -cool-

(10:30p) -thts cool-

(10:31p) *She gave me digital copies of the ones I didn't order for print. Want a sneak peek? Merle's not like, looking over your shoulder or something, right?*

(10:32p) -hes not-

(10:33p) *K don't laugh. Remember these aren't the best ones.*

(10:33p) - _ carol sent a photo _ -

(10:36p) *Say something?*

(10:37p) -u kno ilu 4 a whole lotta reasons n not just 4 like ur body rite?-

(10:38p) *...Yes?*

(10:39p) -cool well rmbr tht while im distracted by how fukin hot u r-

(10:39p) -holy shit-

(10:40p) >Omg shut up. You're being dramatic.<

(10:41p) -nah bb ur like-

(10:41p) -gd goddess status-

(10:41p) -im real lucky u have low standards n dnt realize how easy it wud b 4 u 2 hook up w/ male models or like body builders or smthn-

(10:42p) *Oh, didn't I say? I ordered an extra copy of the book to give to my side piece, Channing Tatum.*

(10:43p) -i'll fite him 4 u-

(10:43p) -i'll lose-

(10:43p) -but i'll try real hard-

(10:44p) -god ur hot jfc-

(10:45p) *You flatter me, sir. I love you.*

(10:46p) -u better bc u owe me 4 making me all turned on while im lying on my bros couch like thnx thts super awk-

(10:47p) *Lol! At least he's asleep.*

(10:47p) *You could always sneak into the bathroom and deal with it.*

(10:48p) -omfg im not rubbing one out in merles house-

(10:48p) -aint the same nyway-

(10:49p) *I guess you'll just have to wait until tomorrow then.*

(10:50p) -deffo looking forward 2 it-

(10:50p) -luv the pic-

(10:50p) -but it aint got nthn on the real thing-

*

_ December 19th _

(2:22p) -how is having small kids sit on a random fat dudes lap not super creepy 2 everyone?-

(2:22p) -even as a kid i was like wow thts weird af no thnx-

(2:24p) ~i take it you and the fam went to go visit Satan at the mall?~

(2:25p) >Asjskaklfd<

(2:26p) -yeah thts abt rite tbh-

(2:26p) -the energy in tht place felt evil-

(2:26p) -tht mite have just been the crowds tho-

(2:27p) ~i mean, santa and satan are anagrams of each other. what could it mean??~

(2:28p) > -cue X-Files theme- <

(2:28p) >Anyway, besides creeping you out, how'd it go?<

(2:29p) -jj was all abt it ofc tho tht kid has no sense of stranger danger @ all so thts not surprising-

(2:29p) -he was cute af tho u kno wut he said?-

(2:30p) -"i alrdy writed u a list u will proly get it in the mail so wut do /u/ wnt 4 xmas? i have 3 quarters i can get u a present w/"-

(2:30p) -then he asked santa to sign his cast.-

(2:31p) ~oh no, that's adorable.~

(2:31p) >What did Santa say he wanted?<

(2:32p) -he told jj to tell his parents 2 get him a 12 pack n marlboro lites lmfao-

(2:33p) ~keepin' it classy, mr. claws.~

(2:34p) >Satan Claws.<

(2:35p) ~goddamnit.~

(2:36p) >Rofl. Anyway, how'd Josie do.<

(2:37p) -ha the santa dude invited jojo over n jojo looked him up n down n then looked @ me n then back @ him n just said "no"-

(2:28p) >Definitely her father's daughter.<

(2:29p) -hey i dnt blame her 4 a second-

(2:30p) ~so what /is/ santa bringing this year?~

(2:31p) -every toy ever made it seems like-

(2:31p) -we prob spoil them-

(2:32p) ~they deserve it.~

(2:32p) >Perfection begets perfection.<

(2:33p) -me n carol had shit xmas's as kids so we overdo it on the twins-

(2:34p) ~yeah, well, you guys deserve it, too.~

(2:35p) >It's true.<

(2:35p) >I cracked open a cold one with Satan Claws and he told me.<

(2:36p) -well thank god 4 tht-

(2:36p) -cuz i aint makin xmas any less special 4 my bbies-

(2:36p) -it took having carol n the kids 2 realize tht holidays r sposed 2 b fun-

(2:27p) -n i plan 2 keep it tht way-

*

_ December 21st _

(7:21p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:21p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:21p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:24p) ~hahaha what the fuck?~

(7:25p) >Incredible.<

(7:26p) -so we got the fam photos we took 4 barb back 2day-

(7:27p) ~you are the least photogenic family ever.~

(7:28p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:28p) -i told carol this was a bad idea-

(7:29p) >Are Jesse and Josie physically fighting in that one?<

(7:30p) -she called him a stupid dummy brain-

(7:31p) ~ah, well in that case, totally justified.~

(7:32p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:32p) -heres 1 w/ jojo sneezing in henrys face while jj picks his nose-

(7:33p) >Photography is magical.<

(7:33p) ~i hope you know we expect to receive copies of all of these.~

(7:34p) -uh huh sure-

(7:34p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:34p) -"lets take some of just u n carol!"-

(7:34p) -like there was a reason we didnt have wedding photos done-

(7:36p) >Rofflll!<

(7:37p) ~were the photographer's instructions "look super super constipated"?~

(7:38p) -i think she told us 2 look into each others souls-

(7:39p) >It seems like you searched too far and accidentally looked into The Abyss.<

(7:40p) -it felt like we was in the abyss-

(7:41p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:41p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:41p) -momma/son pic vs daddy/daughter pic-

(7:42p) ~oh my god, your and josie's faces.~

(7:42p) ~if you made those black and white you could put them in a textbook about the great depression and no one would blink an eye.~

(7:43p) >Carol and Jesse: :^D <

(7:43p) >Daryl and Josie: °_° <

(7:44p) ~they're looking into /our/ souls.~

(7:45p) >Make them stop.<

(7:46p) -we aint gud @ smiling on command ok?-

(7:47p) ~at least barb will never ask you for family photos for christmas ever again!~

(7:48p) >Small blessings.<

(7:49p) -fukin tell me abt it-

(7:49p) -this is the best 1 we got-

(7:49p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(7:51p) >Hey, that one isn't so bad!<

(7:51p) ~yeah, you guys actually look like a normal, functional family.~

(7:52p) -uh huh-

(7:52p) -look in the backgrnd-

(7:53p) ~...~

(7:53p) >...<

(7:53p) ~is that henry licking his butthole?~

(7:54p) -yuuuuup-

(7:55p) >Amazing. Frame it.<

(7:56p) -we r lol carol bought a fancy pic frame n is gna wrap it all nice n wait n c how long it takes barb 2 notice-

(7:56p) -merry fukin xmas dnt make us do this again-

(7:57p) ~that picture should be your christmas card every year.~

(7:58p) >Better yet, recreate it every year.<

(7:59p) ~each time someone different is licking their butthole in the background.~

(8:00p) -gr8 idea i'll run it past carol-

(8:01p) ~i love your dumb little family.~

(8:01p) >Me too. But dear lord you guys are bad at taking photos.<

(8:02p) - ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ -

(8:02p) -cant b gud @ everything-

(8:03p) >True, you are perfect in all other ways. There had to be a fault somewhere.<

(8:04p) -xactly-

(8:05p) ~seriously tho, i want framed copies of those asap. especially the great depression ones.~

(8:05p) >Same.<

(8:06p) -lmao k-

(8:06p) -got all our xmas gifts taken care of this yr ig-

(8:07p) ~santa can't bring us anything that beats a dixon family photo.~

*

_ December 24th _

(2:42p) -i never feel more husbandy thn whn u make me go out 2 the packed stores 2 get last min xmas shit-

(2:45p) *I never feel more wifey than when I spend the whole day slaving over a delicious Christmas Eve supper while my husband complains about being given a task.*

(2:47p) -i wasnt complaining i was just sayin-

(2:47p) -u cud have @ least armed me w/ a machete or smthn to get thru all these crowds-

(2:48p) *Improvise. Pick up a basket and start whacking people with it.*

(2:50p) -gud plan-

(2:54p) -ok this is hell im in hell r u sure u dnt wna trade tasks?-

(2:57p) *I love you desperately, but you're not allowed anywhere near the kitchen without strict supervision today.*

(2:59p) -u lite pasta on fire 1 time n ur nvr trusted again-

(3:03p) -i found lil socks n 1 pair has dogs on them n this other pair has dinosaurs can i get them 4 the kids?-

(3:05p) *No, we have already gotten them enough junk to fill two stockings each.*

(3:06p) -but lil dogs n dinosaurs-

(3:07p) *Daryl istg.*

(3:08p) -fine i'll put them back-

(3:08p) -since u wna ruin xmas-

(3:11p) *I'll ruin a lot more than Christmas if you don't watch yourself.*

(3:12p) -smh yes ma'am-

(3:17p) -just watched sum lady shove another lady into an ornament display bc they was fighting over the last roll of wrapping paper-

(3:17p) -we're gud on wrapping paper rite? bc im not gna get in the middle of this-

(3:19p) *We're good, but I'm disappointed at how easily you would give up if we weren't.*

(3:20p) -if theres anyone taking the last of the eggnog i'll b sure 2 thrown down w/ them-

(3:22p) *Doesn't count, eggnog is disgusting.*

(3:23p) -speak 4 urself-

(3:25p) *It's like drinking thick half and half flavored with egg and sugar it's gross. And we can't even make it worth it with rum bc both auntie and merle are sober.*

(3:27p) -im gna chug the whole bottle in front of u in spite 4 making me b arnd this many insane ppl @ once-

(3:30p) *Rude.*

(3:32p) -ok i got all the things im coming home now n not leaving again until everyone has calmed tf down-

(3:33p) *Actually, no you're not, because I need cardamom and unsalted butter, and also crushed white pepper, but they don't sell it at that store so I need you to go to Whole Foods.*

(3:34p) -whole foods-

(3:34p) -babe plz dnt do tht 2 me-

(3:35p) *Chop chop, mother fucker, we still got a house to clean before people arrive!*

(3:37p) -omfg im leaving u n am going 2 go live in the woods away from society-

(3:39p) *As long as you bring me cardamom, unsalted butter, and crushed white pepper first.*

(3:40p) -uggggghhh-

(3:40p) -fine but only bc ilu-

(3:41p) *I love you too.*

(3:41p) *Now hurry up, the kids are arguing and I'm about to put them outside with a for sale sign.*

(3:42p) -yeah yeah omw-

(3:43p) *xoxo <3*

*

_ December 25th _

(8:29p) - _ you sent a photo _ -

(8:32p) >They crashed so hard.<

(8:32p) ~the absolute chaos of all the wrapping paper and toys around them, my lord.~

(8:34p) -they were so happy-

(8:34p) -totally worth all the holiday bullshit-

(8:35p) >They look completely blissed out.<

(8:36p) ~you guys are great parents, daryl.~

(8:39p) -thnx-

(8:39p) -it helps tht we have gr8 kids-

(8:40p) -how was yalls holiday?-

(8:41p) >Michonne and I just got back from my parents, and they hinted that we should get engaged and start giving them grandchildren about six thousand times.<

(8:42p) -im always pro getting nieces or nephews so im w/ them-

(8:43p) >Traitor. We'll get there when we get there.<

(8:44p) -dull-

(8:45p) -glenn?-

(8:46p) ~we did all the family stuff yesterday so it was just us today, and maggie got me a...um. very nice gift.~

(8:47p) >A "nice" gift, huh? What kind of gift? Because Michonne also got me something "nice".<

(8:48p) -the girls plotted 2gether. i got one 2-

(8:48p) -apparently maggie was the brains behind it tho so hats off 2 her-

(8:49p) >God bless Maggie.<

(8:50p) ~god we lucked out, huh? a bunch of dopes like us with women like them?~

(8:51p) -fukin tell me abt it-

(8:51p) >For real tho.<

(8:52p) ~we got it pretty good, huh?~

(8:53p) >We do.<

(8:54p) -deffo-

(8:54p) -i can take or leave the stuff we have but this fam i got is the best thing i got-

(8:54p) -u guys included-

(8:54p) -ig-

(8:55p) >Rofl, we love you too, brother.<

(8:56p) -lol thnx-

(8:57p) ~happy holidays, team g. <3~

(8:58p) >Hella. Merry Christmas to all!<

(8:59p) - _ you changed the group name to "n 2 all a gud nite" _ -

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> merry chrysler/happy holidays/etc etc
> 
> love y'all. see u next week with more "gas gauge"
> 
> deuces my hoe, hoe, hoes,
> 
> -diz


End file.
